Puny Jokes

1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was -- -- Sir
Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island -- -- but it
turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whiskey maker -- -- but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class -- --
because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder -- -- and got a little
behind in his work.

6. No matter how much you push the envelope, -- -- it'll still be
stationery.

7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road -- -- and was cited for
littering.

8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France -- -- would result in
Linoleum Blownapart.

9. Two silk worms had a race -- -- they ended up in a tie.

10. Time flies like an arrow -- -- fruit flies like a banana.

11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall -- -- the police are
looking into it.

12. Atheism --- is a non-prophet organization.

13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway -- -- One hat
said to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a head.'

14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger -- -- then, it
hit me

15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab centre said -- -- ˜Keep off the
Grass."

16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital --
-- his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No
change yet.'

17. A chicken crossing the road -- -- is poultry in motion.

18. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison -- -- was a small
medium at large.

19. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray -- -- is now
a seasoned veteran.

20. A backward poet -- -- writes inverse.

21. In democracy, it's your vote that counts. -- -- in feudalism, it's
your count that votes.

22. When cannibals ate a missionary -- -- they got a taste of
religion.

23. Don't join dangerous cults -- -- practice safe sects!

Barak Obama Wins Nobel Peace Prize

The Norwegian Nobel Committee

The Nobel Peace Prize for 2009

The Norwegian Nobel Committee has decided that the Nobel Peace Prize for 2009 is to be awarded to President Barack Obama for his extraordinary efforts to strengthen international diplomacy and cooperation between peoples. The Committee has attached special importance to Obama's vision of and work for a world without nuclear weapons.

Obama has as President created a new climate in international politics. Multilateral diplomacy has regained a central position, with emphasis on the role that the United Nations and other international institutions can play. Dialogue and negotiations are preferred as instruments for resolving even the most difficult international conflicts. The vision of a world free from nuclear arms has powerfully stimulated disarmament and arms control negotiations. Thanks to Obama's initiative, the USA is now playing a more constructive role in meeting the great climatic challenges the world is confronting. Democracy and human rights are to be strengthened.

Only very rarely has a person to the same extent as Obama captured the world's attention and given its people hope for a better future. His diplomacy is founded in the concept that those who are to lead the world must do so on the basis of values and attitudes that are shared by the majority of the world's population.

For 108 years, the Norwegian Nobel Committee has sought to stimulate precisely that international policy and those attitudes for which Obama is now the world's leading spokesman. The Committee endorses Obama's appeal that 'Now is the time for all of us to take our share of responsibility for a global response to global challenges.'

Oslo, October 9, 2009